The Tiny World of Florence....

 Absence

from the ones we love

from those who are closest

an emptiness

Thank you COVID

you brought to our minds the things we hold most dear

the people we always think of 

and know we will be near

but you slapped us down

ripped us apart

SLAM

Take that!

and as a world we quiver with longing

and loss

and sadness

and 

the human in me

shrinks to a 

little

tiny

longing

that is immense in its smallness

be it just a tiny quiver

how do we find our longed for ones

when will we find them

Its a heartbreak

heartache

such a sadness

and we never knew when this all began

what it would do

to

US

but the world has delivered a message

wait

time

and I shrink into my world

of hope

The Climbing of Mountains from an unwilling Florence

 Where are we now?

Where will we be in a month?

Is your time in a full lockdown? A medium one?

Let me share that this is not just a shutting of the physical door or gate.

Maybe we just feel locked down.... as if there is an enemy waiting outside the door

Waiting for that breath

That touch

Do you feel it?

What do you feel?

It is an isolation from all that we know

From the life we know

Do you hug your friends or do you find yourself awkwardly just moving around them?

Do you kiss your lover eagerly or don't you know who they have been in touch with?

Be safe they say, stay safe they say

I try

I try to encompass that feeling but I am so reluctant to be away from my human need for people

As much as I know that I should remain apart from all that could contaminate my existence

It isn't what I wish

It is time we look to holding our community safely

And in our world we have never seriously had to consider that

because we party

and we travel

and we enjoy our world because we can and should

Shouldn't we?

It is  a lonely journey

So, take those little bits and pieces

of isolated joy

and build them

into mountains

Believe me... I can climb mountains!

Florence , A Prisoner of the Virus.

I began my new job on August 1.

At last, I feel the urge to shout..... at last I can work again! Its been five months of minimal activity.

How sad that I measure my success with this slow , challenging time, by whether my jeans still fit!!!!!

Clearly demonstrates the impact of a life lived in constant battle with the voracious hunger for food!

But this is not why I write...

My corona life has meant a cessation of the things that mean so much.

For those who don't know, I am in Tasmania, the locked island of Australia- but I don't complain except about maskless fools and hoax idiots. My kind friend keeps me mobile , with a loan of a car as Black Betty no longer resides in my garage.

Walking is great, except when you have a lot to do! Walking is great when the path leads through a forest, an Italian village.... the wilds of Moonah are exempt from such praise.

I digress. Tangential meanderings are a constant in this world I inhabit- apologies.

I work in China now, except I am not physically there.

But when I get there, it is so good to know that a whole new world awaits ..

A world such as I have not not known except for my Melbourne adventures as a child, to Chinatown and its bewildering menus.

Until then

I remain

a prisoner of corona

not until its tendrils are trimmed and severed

Not until

the unthinking

the stupid

the vapid partygoers

the footy enthusiasts

the Hillsong gatherers and hunters

not until

the cruel and ignorant

the self centred

the whingers

Not until

we realise that we are all part of one world

and what happens affects us all

not until

humanity draws

its actions

and ideas

so that our world can

be calm

take back its health

Until then

the battle seems to be ongoing

and

I miss my friend.

Navel Gazing by Florence....... in a new world

Reflections!
Have never been very good at it but a friend encouraged to do a whole lot more..
Seems I got caught in the tide... a spring tide!

The last day of confinement is upon me
and I am thankful
that it will be over
being isolated and alone
but
a reflection
Flying across the world from where I was
to be
held tightly in rooms
and behind doors
I am confused
as to my place now
when this too will pass
and I will move on

a limbo
but one where mindfullness
must be my friend.

I am thankful that
my country
has kept us safe
as I know the  majority had no idea what behaviours
meant survival
in a pandemic world
Without enforcement and announcement
No person would have changed
They scoff at me for speaking of wearing a mask when I go out
Is this what people do?
If we do not adhere to their notion of what is needed? Do I look silly? It is said by some
that I take the masks from health personnel
but I don't
I bought masks long before this place
realised that this wasn't a "flu" and were busy sneering at those silly others across the world who
were dying
and suffering
and hungry
Then it became their reality.

I'm ok with being here and feeling safe
I rail against the removal of freedom
and being able to do what I had planned this summer( northern hemisphere)
But we are all in a new world
and must learn how to be
and what will jettison us forward to a positive place
I am not alone
But I grieve my losses, some deeper than others
and it is with grief and joy that I reflect-

Tomorrow I will walk out that gate
and what will I do with my freedom?
I will plan for my next stage....
in a new world.

The Malaise and Florence

You got lucky, darling readers

Another one - two in one day.

I'm listening to the mental health discussion  around this virus and isolation.

Can I tell you something?
Its not just about those with mental health issues

The malaise began while I was in Kuwait
After a few weeks of solid effort
of running up stairs
Helping others
Reading
and so on

The effort faded
The day drifted by and I don't know where it went
Suddenly it was sundowners- thank god  for that!

BUt the  next day was the same
and each day merged, into the next and the one before.
What was I doing? I cannot think- I guess the same as the day before and the one after.
ONline teaching gave me a purpose
but that finished
and then?

It was time to get out of Kuwait
That took some neural action
and imposed some effort into the day..
The malaise is like a numbing of the brain
and little seems to matter
and the tiny little focus within your day is magnified into more.
Excitement came in the form of a flight out of Kuwait
to Melbourne
after ten weeks in air conditioning
and into another closed environment- a plane
Into an airport... environmental control
Skybus, closed environment and masked and gloved....escorted

Hotel, air conditioning
Closed, shut door
DO NOT LEAVE YOUR ROOM FOR ANY REASON
Ok
Its now Day 12.. Ask me what I've done?
The malaise is heavy now
It been settling for 12 weeks
PHysicality gives me a focus but without it
The malaise might win as I think it does for some
An organism cannot be in a closed environment with nothing but a television..
I feel like a pet
in a cage
Taken to the vet if I get sick, checked, fed.....
I'm lucky though....
I've been doing this for a while
but I miss another person.
Phew!
But I will survive.....
Cos I am tough!

Florence Finds Acceptance... reluctantly

Early morning, very early morning and sleep eludes me
Sleep came early yesterday
as the flickering of the television
caused a heady tiredness
slightly dull
Sleep was a pleasant alternative to awake.

King sized bed, once crisp sheets tossed around in for a week, sweated on... alone
Chaise longue
cushioned and sinkable into
nice
Bath.... I thought I'd spend all my time in it but no
Clean clean bathroom

Food, delivered.
Pavlov would be proud
Saliva gathers
Drips
Exactly at 7.30, 11.30 and 5.30
Anxiety mounts
if that knock does not occur

One lady went crazy the other night
Random loud banging on the door
I heard no screams
Security was excited
I opened my door
Horror
Border Force dashes past
Intent on calming the crazed victim
I closed the door
Fun was over
when silence fell

I am running for my life
I hate running but I'm running and running
Well, I exaggerate
I jog
and dance as I jog
Its fun you know
and passes time
5 -6 km
Can you imagine that? In a hotel room?
Thats a lot of twisting and turning but I'm walking on sunshine!
Adriene, my saviour, comes to me every morning with a beautiful gentle welcome
of how she loves to see me on the mat
Yeah! Right!
But I get down and sideways, and up and over
I'm doing ok.

That my darlings is quarantine
In a time I had no conception of
A time when all travel is denied
When people have no choice but to return to home countries cos noone else wants them!
So just a couple more days
and home
Its been a while, you know... two years actually
Its not always easy when parted from those you care about..
Ah well... this too shall pass

When the World Would not Listen...

It began, for me, at the end of January with a warning
from a friend.
Be careful when you travel to Turkey this weekend- this virus is highly infectious.
So I began gathering asks and gloves, unsure at this stage as to what was meant by "highly infectious".
Previous to this, I knew there was a new virus in Wuhan, in China and that it was a killer, literally.

STOP PRESS
So I knew about it and I remember posting something, either before I went to Istanbul or on my return about how Australia needed to take heed as this was something that would affect us all and it was going to be an issue- yet how safe we are in our little worlds because these things happen to the Other.


I contacted Lee and asked him to acquire N95 masks, gloves and start gathering food and water because things could be about to take off. I warned my children to begin stocking up and to get masks and gloves.

I travelled to Istanbul at the end of January. I wore my mask and gloves( one of the very few).  Fabulous city, wary of Chinese as they were spreading a disease( not my words). Tourists everywhere! Hard to avoid but I managed and kept to myself as much as possible.
Made it back to Kuwait and no fallout.
Moving along to Liberation Week and I was off to Crete, complete with mask and gloves again. Things had gathered momentum, Italy was a mess. I had been going to walk part of the Postumia but the virus was entrenched in this beautiful country.

STOP PRESS
Why did I think I would be so safe by going to Crete? I was travelling by plane, mixing with people in Heraklion and in airports. The infallibility of the traveller is amazing. It could never happen to me!

It was the final weekend. I was told, via message that they were going to close Kuwait Airport as the disease had arrived in Kuwait from Iran. Immediate concern as to what should I do. At no stage did I think that the airport would be closed for months. At no time did I think that I would not be able to fly anywhere. Coming back from Crete, I was questioned in Athens before I got on the plane , as to where I had been. Had I been in Italy, I would not have been allowed back into Kuwait and then what? We thought that if I flew back to Kuwait, we could quickly gather our walking gear and head off to do the Lisbon part of the Portuguese Camino. That was the plan - to walk until this thing was over (a few weeks you know).
I came back- so many teachers had already gone back to their home countries. We decided to wait for a bit and not go walking- the plan was a good one but it did not take into account the shutting down of the world as we know it. It did not consider that we might be unable to move anywhere and have to remain in Kuwait. It did not consider that we would be isolated in our building and that grocery shopping would be a time to be aware of any possible chance of contamination.
So we learnt. We learnt that there would be very very expensive evacuation flights which sorted out sheep and goats- school admin deserted the sinking ship as fast as they could, leaving the staff, the lost and scared young teachers in particular as they scampered on home to safety . I will add at this stage that there were limited seats and I know some young staff members missed out on those seats! Its amazing how people begin to show their colours when danger threatens!
In this situation I have seen the very best of my colleagues and friends- I have seen the quiet ones rise to the demands and I am privileged to have been a part of this time. I see the strength of those who don't know how they will ever get home, yet they continue and find ways to have joy in their lives. The not knowing is tough. The partings are tough. The human impact from this has been huge.

So we waited. We climbed stairs to exercise. We began yoga, all the time hanging in for going to China. The government offices in Kuwait closed- we had the police checks but we couldn't now get the official stamp. It was then a time of what should we do. Weeks passed. Planes stopped flying. Dubai and Abu Dhabi closed airports. What would we do. We knew we had to leave at some stage as we were non returning staff and the end of May seemed to be the cut off point.

So it happened. A decision had to be reached. Choices were few , if any. As nationals we had to return to our own country as by this stage all other countries were closing borders. I was unwanted in the States and He was unwanted in Australia. We decided to leave. Packing, closing our lives, leaving, farewelling- it was a hard few weeks. The kindness and warmth of people in our apartment building was beautiful to be a part of - all these diverse people from across the globe- some who were returning would stay for summer, some were waiting for flights, South Africans couldn't get out, others weren't sure about cost as travel was a very expensive thing to do. It was a time of hesitation, decision, regret, sadness, joy, pleasure, wonder, trepidation, fear... it was a whole gamut of emotion .

And we left
We left Sylvester, my wonderful friend and driver from Pakistan
We left Alaa, the kind generous Harris of our building- the man from Egypt
We left friends who had gained a whole new level of importance
But as we move from one space to another
We know
That people touch our lives in magic ways
And our lives are so much richer from those touches, however small
And paths can cross again
Somewhere.

I digress
The virus outran me
I write this in a hotel room
Quarantined
as a contaminated leper
but unlike a leper
I will soon be able to be free.